Mind Your Own Business…

Lets go ahead and start with a deep breath. Often my clients can hear me uttering these words as we begin their massage. The intention behind this is to encourage the client to focus on their breath and let go of outside distractions.

One of the most difficult parts of receiving a massage is turning off our minds and letting go of our attachments to the outside world. In fact one of the most difficult parts of living is detaching from things and people outside of ourselves.

Detachment: the act of disengaging. Ok. I kind of get that. So what is Disengaging? Looking through many online dictionaries it seems the definition of disengage is to free oneself or release attachment. That sounds pretty healthy. No one likes to be held down- right?

All right. Disengage from what? People, things and ideas and worst of all DESIRES!. Sounds like you would be a recluse then doesn’t it? Not exactly. Let’s break it down and see what it means to detach from each of the above.

People: We all have loved ones in our lives. People that we think we could never live without. People that we feel obligated to guide and help because of our close connection to them. There are people that we feel like we have the right to pry into their lives because “we’re soul mates,” or “because I care.” The act of detaching doesn’t mean that you stop caring about people, rather it means that you care about them enough to let them make their own decisions and discover their own journey, regardless of whether you think they are on the right path. When we do this we also develop more self love. We allow ourselves to make mistakes. By staying out of other peoples business other people will begin to stay out of yours. No one likes unsolicited advice. Wouldn’t it be nice to make a mistake and not have someone tell you they warned you or tell you how they would’ve done it better? Another aspect of detaching from the people in your lives is that you don’t have to take what other people say personally. A good friend of mine always reminds me that in the phrase ” to take offense” it suggests that you are taking an action and as with all action you can choose not to take it. So set the offense down and walk away. How important is it anyway? Spiritually speaking by attaching ourselves to other people poses a hindrance to ones connection to a higher power. How can you hear God when all your doing is worrying about someone else?

Things: This is something most of us are familiar with. The inability to get rid of something because of sentimental value or fear of needing it in the future. A pivotal point for me in learning detachment was a few years ago when I was in San Diego. I was stuck with no money and no car and I needed to get back to Texas ( Who doesn’t?!) I had an apartment full of things and I couldn’t exactly fit it on a plane and I could only afford so much room in an ABF truck. I was forced to look at my things, things that I have been holding onto my whole life, and decide what was crucial and what wasn’t. At first it was painful to watch my memories be tossed away , but I soon realized that the memories didn’t leave me when I threw away my things. I also began to view my obsession with saving things as a way of saying that my higher power or the universe wasn’t capable of providing for me when I needed something. I knew that wasn’t true.

Ideas: We all come across ideologies that we disagree with. People with strong opinions about controversial issues, corporations with questionable motives , political figures with radical notions. We can’t get away from the ideas of other people or groups of people, but we don’t have to carry our resentment or opposition to these ideas. We can acknowledge them and  let them be. Of course their are times when we need to take a stand for issues but we don’t have to let it eat us to our core.

Desires:We all have them. Their harmless right? Everyone should want more and work hard to get it right? Um. Sort of. Many if not all religions encourage you not to covet or lust. But we all do don’t we? Whether it’s that cool necklace or a million dollar home with the jacuzzi and outdoor kitchen, we lust after things everyday. But do we ever think about whether or not it is detrimental to our spiritual health? When we tie ourselves to what we do not have we are focusing on lacking rather than abundance. We tend to attract what we think about. So when it comes to desires it’s one thing to desire something and then let it go. It is another to become obsessed with an idea and let it consume you. When there is something that I desire I try to practice imagining exactly what it would feel like to have this object and then I let it go. Rather than thinking about what you do not have imagine what you could have ( especially spiritual freedom.)

Often times when we are told to detach we associate it with being aloof and not caring. I believe quite the opposite is true. The art of detaching focuses more on attaching to yourself and if you choose, a higher power,  giving others the  dignity to make their own lives. Excessive worry over things outside of ourselves has never led to a resolution of said problems. In fact by attaching ourselves to our problems we often miss the obvious solutions.

Detachment can be found in every religion. There are several verses in the Bible that tells us to let go of our worldly possessions and attach ourselves to the holy spirit.

Buddhism refers to this as non-attachment. I think this is a great word to describe what we are trying to achieve.

The TAO TE CHING by Lao Tzu (Chapter 44. Contentment) is translated as follows:

Health or reputation: which is held dearer?
Health or possessions: which has more worth?
Profit or loss: which is more troublesome?

Great love incurs great expense,
And great riches incur great fear,
But contentment comes at no cost;
Who knows when to stop
Does not continue into danger,
And so may long endure.

(http://www.zenguide.com/zenmedia/books/content.cfm?t=tao_te_ching&chapter=44 , Feb 22 2011)

Today as I pulled into a parking space, a few minutes before my appointment, my Ipod began to play a relaxing song, one I often use for meditation. I decided to take a few moments to tune into myself. I noticed how I judged people that were walking by. I decided to practice acceptance. As each person walked by I imagined them as a spirit and I said to myself, they are on a spiritual journey. The more I did this the less I judged and the more love I felt for people I didn’t even know. I felt detached from my own ego and judgements. I felt free to be what was natural to me. Love. I realized that you can have detachment without acceptance, but you can’t have detachment with love without accepting people, things, and ideas as they are.

Your massage therapy session is a perfect opportunity to practice detaching from our fears and worries and from our desires and connections to the material world. It is a time to allow acceptance. You can start by allowing acceptance of your body and then detaching from any negative attitudes you have about it. It is a time to focus on you.

photo by goldsaint

Masseuse Vs Massage Therapist

The other day a new client asked me, ” So how long have you been a masseuse?” My skin crawled. I replied,” I have been a massage therapist for 6 years.” “Oh.” they replied,” is that the proper term?” – I stopped and thought for a minute. Why do I let the term masseuse irritate me. I suppose somewhere along the lines I began to associate masseuse with prostitution. Something I do not want associated with myself. But does the word masseuse really mean prostitution? I began to rethink my position on this stereotype  and began to wonder about how the history of the word masseuse has evolved and why people continue to use it today. According to Websters dictionary it simply means a woman who practices massage. But then I stumbled upon the Wikipedia article about Massage. It goes on to say that because sexual or explicit advertising is prohibited in the U.S. many  prostitutes will advertise as “masseuse.” Hence, Massage Therapist. In an effort to legitimize the profession and spread the benefits, not STD’s, we have taken to the term Massage Therapist. It has been an uphill battle for us to take this practice back. We have spent decades educating the public about the benefits of massage and much has been done in legislation to help eliminate these vulgar shops.

As a social work student, what alarms me and sickens me to my core is the thought of human trafficking. If you think that human trafficking is a thing of the past or that it doesn’t happen in this country then you may want to do a quick google of the term. If you take the time to visit Humantrafficking.org and type in the word massage you will see that we are still fighting this seemingly endless battle. Another thing you will notice is that these places that house this kind of slavery are called “massage parlors” – this is another phrase I take offense too but hear often.

As massage therapist the only thing we can do to combat this kind of vulgar association is through education and ethics. I have met many massage therapists who will tell their clients out right that they do not participate in sexual misconduct and that innuendoes will not be tolerated.

So back to my original situation. Did I become defensive when I was asked how long I had been a masseuse, maybe a little. But I didn’t have to lecture the client. By simply educating them on the why I differentiate myself from the seemingly harmless “masseuse” I have not only legitimized my practice but brought to the attention of my client that human trafficking of women and children still exist. Is it my clients fault for not knowing? Absolutely not, but it is a perfect opportunity to talk about something that most people take lightly.

We have all heard the “happy ending” jokes, but have you ever taken a moment to think about why it’s so funny.. or rather why it’s not? We laugh about issues that we wish to not recognize. By making it a joke we keep this dark secret in the shadows and as long as it’s in the shadows, no one has to pay attention. If you take a moment to think about where this girl may have been stolen from or who she has to answer to you might be as disgusted as I am.

Keep Your Clothes On, If You Want To.

Often times before a massage I will ask if a person has received massage services before. If they answer yes, I will ask them how that experience was. Sometimes, it is not positive. Below is a list of the most common things I hear from clients and my response to them.

Pressure was too deep / or not deep enough:

I have heard this before and what I always tell my clients is that this is

their time. Don’t be afraid that you might offend someone by asking for more or less pressure. We are often appreciative of feed back.

Pressure was too deep/not deep enough even after requesting a change.

Unfortunately we often run into people who just don’t seem to listen, no matter what part of our lives they are in. As with any part of our lives it is up to us to not let these people ruin our experience. If you told them once, tell them again. And if they don’t listen, you may stop the session at any time. It is part of our jobs to be able to listen and respond to clients in an appropriate manner.

I felt sick the next day:

The reason this happens is because like a dam, constricted muscles tense up and restrict the flow of blood and lymph to other parts of our bodies. This causes our bodies to store up toxins and lactic acid. When you get a massage the dam is released and your blood and lymph is restored to its natural state and your body has an abundant amount of toxins to get eliminate. Drinking a lot of water before and after your massage will aid your body in this process and your chances of feeling sore or ill are low.

The therapist talked the whole time

This is the second worse thing I hear. To me when there is unwanted chatter from the therapist it is a sign of disrespect. I and most other massage therapist feel that your time on the table is sacred. We are there to aid you the process of relaxation or rehabilitation. We are not there to talk your ear off… unless you feel better talking then by all means chat away. If you have a therapist that talks to much you can simply ask them for a little time to think quietly ( to put it nicely) If they persist in chatting but you really enjoy their massage, try telling them before hand that though you enjoy your conversations you would like to be in silence today. Usually this will cure the situation but if not, you may have to find a new therapist.

After people get their first massage I often hear about all of the anxieties they had prior to coming to see me. I bet there are a lot of other people who feel the same way! Here are a few things I hear and my response to those who might feel the same way.

I don’t want to take my clothes off.

Great point and good news for you. You don’t have to. After awhile some therapist get pushy and insist you take off all or most of your clothes. Bottom line- undress to your level of comfort. If you asked to continue to remove your clothing simply insist this is what you are comfortable in. A good therapist will respect your privacy. I for one was quite modest when I first started with massage therapy. Especially around male therapists. After a few massages you begin to feel a lot more comfortable and if you wish to remove more clothing you can.

I am afraid I will do the wrong thing.

whether it’s getting on the table backwards or afraid we will take off too much clothing and the therapist will be offended, everyone has anxiety when they get their first massage. I did and in fact I wasn’t able to relax until after I left. Then I noticed the effects and I was amazed! As far as taking off too much clothing, you can’t. I have yet to meet a therapist who is offended by nudity, unless of course you decide to be completely nude and on top of the covers. For the most part, every therapist will ask a few questions about what’s bothering you and maybe some medical history. They will tell you to undress to your level of comfort and begin face down underneath the covers. I usually proceed to point out the obvious of where to put your head and feet. When you are nervous you will forget everything. Have no fear. We are kind, compassionate people for the most part and we will walk you through it!

I am afraid it will hurt

Back to the first point. This is your time. You paid for it. If the therapist is too deep just tell them. They will not be offended and they want you to enjoy your massage. After all, they want you to come back. Drink plenty of water before and after to avoid being sore tomorrow.

I am too fat/skinny or I have an ugly mole.

You name it , we’ve seen it. To be a massage therapist you must have compassion. We don’t care what your body looks like, we just want you to feel like the best you. We will not be judging you or laughing about you in the other room. We want you to embrace yourself as you are in this very moment. If you then decide you want to change who you are or what you look like, ask us for our advice. We are usually health enthusiast who might have some great tips. Bottom line. We have your best interest in mind. We love you and don’t even know you!

There are millions of other things that go through our clients minds.  If you have a comment or question that you want to ask a massage therapist, let me know and I will do my best to answer it.

photo taken in a small spa in Maui- wish I could remember the name.

Nirvana, TEAvana!

So tomorrow I will be the big 3-0. Time to put my big girl underoos on and start embracing life! For my birthday, my husband and I headed down to the Big D ( Dallas) and we met up with one of my brothers. I was shocked when he gave me my birthday present! I haven’t told him about my new tea obsession nor has he read my incredible blog. He gave me a blooming tea thermos with 2 flavors of tea from Teavana. I had downloaded their app recently just to get some tips on tea but I had never tried any of their stuff. Sometimes I think my family can read my mind! The two teas that I received were Peach Momotaro and Strawberry Misaki. I was incredibly excited about this gift and after trying it out with loose herbs, I went home and tried it with the blooming teas. I tried the Strawberry Misaki tonight. Here are some pics!

Strawberry Misaki Blooming Tea. Just added water.

The thermos is my new favorite tea utensil. It is double insulated and has a strainer in the top. It makes drinking tea easy to travel and let’s face it, you look superior carrying it! I’ve got some more blogs coming up that I can’t wait to share! Stay tuned!

Just Tea For Me Please

This morning I was pleasantly surprised. I have recently (2 days ago) decided to ween ( cold turkey) myself off COFFEE! Now I am a coffee LOVER, so this is a big thing. The only problem is I haven’t read any reports about the health benefits of coffee (at least not anything substantial) and I know it’s dehydrating ( it’s a diuretic) and well, it’s something for me to quit. My eventual goal will be to ingest only water and herbal tea as well as the occasional juice. My biggest obstacle in this goal is that I’m from Texas and well, Iced Tea is in my blood! So weening myself off black teas will be the biggest obstacle. First things First- coffee. The first two days I replaced my coffee with Yerba Mate. I was introduced to this at a farmer’s market in San Diego ( a little shout out to Ocean Beach!) I was amazed by the kick that this tea held! It was like drinking a cup of coffee without the (yummy) aftertaste! This helped me get through the first two mornings and I drank water throughout the day ( sorry Starbucks, they are going to miss me.) This morning I decided to try my favorite tea- Earl Grey. Back to my pleasant surprise , I decided to buy the store brand from United Marketplace. I knew I was taking a chance but let’s live on the edge. I unwrapped the box and the smell of bergamot wafted up to kiss my olfactory system! When my husband came in to the kitchen I asked for his advice on making Earl Grey tea ( he makes the absolute best.) He told me a touch of sugar and just a little milk. I asked him where he learned to make this tea taste so good, he replied as if it was a ridiculous question, ” I grew up in England, baby.” – Of course. So I didn’t listen to him (as usual!) and I added natural honey and milk. It was delicious! Who needs sugar. So far I haven’t experienced any tremors or chest pains due to my abstinence of coffee. I don’t really know if those are actual symptoms, but that’s what I imagined it would be. Probably because I have replaced caffeine with… caffeine. Again I tell myself, Keep it simple, coffee first. It’s much like the use of a nicotine patch. I am not really breaking the addiction just yet, only the habit. I went to the spa and made a batch of Yogi Tea that my boss introduced me to. She got it from her instructor at Breathe Yoga Studio. It has cinnamon, cardamom, black pepper, cloves, and the ever detoxing… Ginger. It smells wonderful and tastes swell! We will have to have another post on the power of Ginger later. I feel pretty good today and actually feel like I have more energy. Being addicted to substances, including sugar and caffeine, is so strange. Your body tells you it needs it to have more energy or to feel better, but when you go without it for a few days you feel better than you have in a long time. Albeit, I haven’t given up the caffeine but I still feel lighter and more energized without the weight of coffee tying me down.

Teas have such a powerful effect on the body and herbal teas are very beneficial. They can be stimulating or sedative to the nervous system. They are great for detoxing and body cleansing. I personally enjoy the processing of making different concoctions of teas. I order a few of my favorite herbs in bulk from an online store and I can’t wait to get my delicious package in the mail! My favorites mixes are lavender and peppermint, you can always add a few rose petals as well. Eucalyptus is great for sinus problems. And don’t forget what you have in your pantry or garden Rosemary, Cardamom, Cinnamon Sticks, Marigolds, Roses, Ginger. All of these make wonderful teas. I would love to hear about your favorite teas or concoctions!

A Passion For Touch

In a world that seems to be,”take, take, take” it’s often good to just stop and “give.” Tonight some of my colleagues and I were honored in helping bring smiles to 20 girls and their mom’s! We teamed up with a local Children’s Advocacy Center and treated them to a girl’s night out. The kids arrived in a limousine hummer and received a hair style from our salon and we painted their fingers. Some of the girls even tried the new Katy Perry line! It was very fun. The moms each received an aromatherapy massage and we painted their nails as well! Every once in awhile the girls and I get the opportunity to give back. There is nothing more rewarding for a massage therapist than to work on someone who has never had a massage before and who might have never had one until you gave it to them. When I have the opportunity to give massage to someone in need I jump on it. Why? Purely selfish. I enjoy it. It truly makes me smile. I feel like there is some meaning to my life when I can bring a smile to someone’s face. And maybe that’s the key to my selfishness. Helping you makes me feel better about my life. I think that if everyone spent one weekend a year to do volunteer work we would all feel better about the kind of lives we are living. Another benefit to giving massage to those in need is as a massage therapist, you may find yourself getting into ruts sometimes. The best cure I’ve found is to do a community event. And DON’T get paid for it. It will remind you why you do this in the first place. Because you have a passion for it. And although money is nice nothing can replace living your passion. I read a lot of articles about how practitioners shouldn’t undercut themselves by giving free massages. I disagree. The goal of massage therapy isn’t about money, at least not for me and my co workers. The goal is to bring moments of peace to someone’s life. It might be the only moment they’ve got. And that’s priceless to me.

Check In With Your Pen

You might be thinking, what does journaling have to do with massage? I feel like from the perspective of self improvement that they go hand in hand. Or pen in hand if you will. Most , if not every, massage practitioner will emphasize the importance of the mind body connection. We understand that achieving a high quality of life means balancing the physical, mental , and the emotional. Sometimes getting a massage can help you release your mental chatter so that you can  gather your thoughts and write with purpose.

So you’re thinking, “I don’t have time.” or “I don’t want to write about my feelings, that’s for pansies.” Well, Pansies have to go through a lot of dirt before they can bloom. So let’s get dirty. Writing about your current thoughts and reflections about the past can be helpful in processing events, painful or not. When you put something into writing, we immediately feel like it’s permanent. Like we can’t erase it. So use a pencil. You have a right to change your mind about any perception or idea that you have. You can always revise your journal. I personally keep mine for reflection to see how much I’ve grown or to see where I might be making the same mistakes. Other’s destroy their writing. This can be a significant symbol of being free from the past and can help you to let go of old ideas that are no longer useful. My friend recently posted on her blog a beautiful picture with a captivating caption about this very same idea, take a look.

So you don’t want to journal about the past. You have self actualized and no longer need to stare backwards. That’s great! Journaling can be even more beneficial when you write about the future! I often write about goals that I have as if they have all ready happened. This helps me to visualize what it would feel like to succeed! It is a great inspiration.

Journaling about the present can also help you keep life in perspective. You might think that nothing in your life is exciting enough to write about. I dare  you to try to find something funny or bazaar everyday and just write that down. I used to practice this in place of a Gratitude List ( also a helpful journaling subject). My favorite funny moment, I was waiting for the bus and there was a man having a sneezing fit. There was also a train in the distance and every time he sneezed the whistle on the train would blow loudly.  The vision of this man’s sneeze was for some reason hilarious to me.  This may seem like a simple memory but finding humor in everyday life will bring you joy. It does me!

Maybe you’re into a different kind of journal. One that combines the physical with the mental and emotional. Try a food or exercise journal. Write down what foods you eat and then record how they make you feel. Or you may try writing how many reps you’ve done who how far you’ve run, then record how you feel as compared to the day before.

The importance of documenting our life and our thoughts is almost a way for us to validate that we exist and the events we’ve experienced really happened. It’ s a way to check in and make sure we are on the right path.

Many people have given me beautiful journals over the years, but I always come back to the same kind. A spiral notebook. As Paul Simon would say, “find a quiet place, use a humble pen. ”

Proving A Life Force: the Convergence of Science and Spirituality

Energy Work. In the massage world it is hard to get away from this topic. And for the most part, why bother? When it comes to massage therapy, practitioners generally fall somewhere between two trains of thought. Some tend to be completely clinical and choose not to delve into the unknowns of energy work and there are those who have taken the leap of faith and have fully devoted themselves to the ideas and philosophies of such therapies as Reiki and EFT to name a few. For the rest of us, we remain in the middle. I for one have dabbled with energy work and have found it incredibly helpful. But as a practitioner I am somewhere in the middle. Because I can’t without a doubt prove energy work I have a hard time promoting it. Might I add, I am not stating that it cannot be proven, but that I am excited about the idea of more research into such modalities. So why is it that there is an emergence of spirituality and energy work? As humans we are driven to seek out the truth. We as a culture have evolved in our understanding of the material world through research and scientific discovery, we have been forced to question all the things we have previously believed. As previous ideas are proven and disproven many us have felt a void and confusion in reference to where we came from. Today I read an interesting article by Deepak Chopra. The idea of serious research into this otherwise taboo subject is interesting. Perhaps someday we may prove the effectiveness of energy work or on the other hand maybe we will disprove it. I am hoping for the former. I am always happy to refer my clients who are looking for energy work to some of my respected colleagues who have devoted their lives to these philosophies and I truly enjoy discussing these meta physical ideas. But as it stands today, I am waiting for science and spirituality to converge and I believe that one day each will prove the other. I have met a plethora of people that have witnessed the positive results of energy work and whether this is a result of the placebo effect is what still needs to be proven without a doubt.

Oops, you did it again. How to make up for forgetting Valentines Day!

Today’s the day. If you haven’t planned a date for your loved one, it’s ok! It’s not too late! There is plenty of time for this upcoming weekend, just remember to get a little love token today! In fact, if you weren’t prepared for today, (myself included), I recommend doing a small romantic gesture everyday leading up to this weekend. Maybe a card today with some chocolates, cook dinner for your significant other tomorrow, make a cd of songs that remind you of them, Compile pictures and make a slide show or have some of your favorite pictures framed nicely. All of this leading up to a couples massage! One of my favorite types of massage. I tell my female clients that the best way to introduce their husbands to the benefits of massage is to invite them to a couples massage. Most men are hesitant to get a massage. They often associate self care with”pampering” which is a feminine thing to do. The word “Spa” often raises images of ladies walking around in a robe and slippers. Men might fear that they will be considered less masculine by associating themselves with such “girly” activities.There is nothing wrong with taking care of your mind and body. Most guys cringe at the thought of being dragged to the “spa,” but I will let you in on a little secret. Once your there, you won’t want to leave. In fact, most of my regular clients are men. I always think of it as an underground club. Most guys will fib to their friends and co workers, telling them they have to go see the chiropractor or physical therapist and make up a condition to be treated! A majority of my male clients were introduced to massage via a couple’s massage with their wives. Not to mention, most women really just want someone to share in an activity that they enjoy… without complaining! It’s one of the nicest things you can do for your loved one. As experts in setting the mood, we will assure you that you will have a warm bed, candle light, and if you like some aromatherapy. As a practitioner, the best part of working a couples massage is the moment when one spouse looks over at the other. They smile as they observe their partner sinking into bliss. They feel good about their decision to treat their loved one to such a beneficial experience. Afraid you will embarrass yourself by doing the wrong thing or heaven forbid SNORING!? Have no fear. The process of massage will be explained to you and to be honest, everyone snores! It’s the highest compliment. I recommend eating a light snack before your massage and saving your main meal for later! After your massage your stomach will probably be growling. If you are a meat eater you could probably talk your lady into going for a steak and pint! Or how about some aphrodisiacal sushi to continue your romantic mood! Happy Hearts Day Everyone! Love to All!

Your Wife Called; She Wanted Me To Tell You This..

One of the funny things about being a massage therapist is the things people tell you. It ranges from funny to personal to too much information! But alas, I enjoy being trusted with everyones thoughts and meanderings. The one thing that I hear over and over, ” Can you teach my husband to do this?” I always laugh and tell them no, otherwise I’d be out of a job. But it does make me wonder… What are all these husbands doing anyway? So I asked people and I’ve come up with a few tips that might interest a few guys out there, and lets be honest, a few ladies as well. These tips are not for sensual massage because that’s not what I do. What happens after that is none of my business.

First off,

• Turn off the Television.

I can’t say it enough.  Atmosphere, Atmosphere, Atmosphere. Nothing frustrates your wife more than you watching the TV while you’re “pretending” to rub her shoulders. She can tell your hearts not in it. Whether your heart is or not, Fake it.

• Use the right stuff

I know we’ve all done. Pulled out the big bottle of lotion from Walgreens to use as massage lotion, but it just doesn’t feel good. Take the time, and a little bit of cash, to get the good stuff. You can go to your local massage school and purchase a small bottle of professional lotion. Or you can head to your health food store and stock up on good oil, such as Almond or Jojoba. If they have essential oils, I recommend Lavender, because it is safest. Add a couple of drops to your oil. I don’t recommend anything that has a mineral oil base. It clogs up the skin leaving you feeling gross not relaxed.

• Set the mood

So playing some new age music might seem a little cheesy, I get it. But what about some really good jazz , I’m talking Miles Davis, not Kenny G. Perhaps Spanish guitar or what ever the both of you enjoy. Light candles. Yes it seems like a lot of work to just give a back rub but mood is part of relaxation and she will appreciate the effort and attention.

So lets say you skip the last part, and you probably will. What are some other obstacles to overcome when it comes to massage. Here are some common complaints:

• He complains about his hands hurting before we even start.

I get it. Your hands hurt. They don’t have to. The more elevated the body is the easier it will be on your hands. If you are fortunate enough to own your own massage table make sure you raise the table to where the table comes just below fingers. You should be able to touch the table without bending your body or arm. Use your legs to push your body thereby adding force to your hands. If you don’t have a table a tall bed will work. Must of us have to settle for what we have. The floor. Thats ok. Keep reading.

• He is always rushing.

Well no wonder you are rushing, your hands hurt and you wanted to watch the television. Too bad. Slow down. It helps me to close my eyes during a massage. I imagine the muscle underneath my fingers and follow it along until I feel a knot or congestion. Then I slowly work the fibers between my fingers. Another common complaint is that the pressure is not enough. If you become adept at finding knots and trigger points you won’t have to use a lot of pressure.

• He is so random. One second his working on my back, the next second my feet.

It is so important to have “flow.” This is something that can be explained but must be practiced. When you give someone a massage you are nonverbally communicating with their muscles. Your goal is to communicate “relax.” To do this you need to go either top to bottom of bottom to top. The flow of your strokes is important. I emphasize strokes because so often people just knead. The first part to any swedish massage is long flowing strokes. As a rule, when you are applying pressure always apply more pressure going toward the heart than away from the heart. Always complete your strokes. If you are going up the spine, go all the way up the spine, then start again. Same thing with arms, legs and feet. Going toward the heart, start from the bottom and with one long stroke go the top of body part. Then you can add in some kneading. Another tip for flow is to always keep one hand on the person and if both hands are on the person keep them both moving. Nothing is weirder than a hand thats just laying there. The only time I can think of this being okay is if you are stretching the muscle. I digress, the importance of constant touch is this: Imagine you are sitting in the middle of a room with a blindfold on. No one is in the room until you hear the door open and some footsteps followed by the closing door. Does this raise your blood pressure? You don’t know where that person is or if they are going to approach you. You don’t know what to expect. The same thing happens when someone is relaxed and then you stop touching them. Their senses become alert again and their blood pressure may raise.

I hope you find some of these tips helpful and please feel free to leave a comment , question or suggestion. If all else fails, buy her a gift certificate to the Spa. Enjoy this Valentines Day and be good to each other!